I once had a friend who was afraid of dogs. I didn’t know this until some years after we had met. She visited at a time when I was dog-sitting for an acquaintance and the dog scared her so much so she couldn’t stay in the apartment.
My friend’s fear didn’t bother me but I simply couldn’t relate to it.
Zen, the dog, was a tiny little terrier who was completely cute and harmless.
When I have a huge fear, that seems so important and justified, I sometimes think about that particular friend and the difference in our feelings towards dogs.
I grew up with all kinds of dogs as pets. I loved them all and have never feared any dog.
My friend on the other hand had been attacked by a dog as a child and as an adult just being around a canine sets her on edge.
What is so terrifying to her is absolutely not real for me.
It’s often like that with my soul mate and I.
I’m so afraid of how others think of me, of men, of women, of violence, of anger, of judgement, of being wrong, of being right, of hoping, and of loosing.
To my mate, all that fear is just not real.
It’s like I live in some foreign country where reality is strangely skewed off kilter while he lives free and strong across the border, grounded in truth and sensing things I don’t yet see.
When we have released a fear about something, or it just didn’t exist in us in the first place, we see the world with more clarity. We easily recognise the untruth that drives the fear in others about that particular issue.
Yet, when we live in fear, the object of our terror becomes like a huge mountain overshadowing everything in our lives. We are desperate to avoid it; we base decisions around it. The fear’s existence becomes a vital factor to consider as we live each day. We elevate it’s untruth into something significant and our hearts constrict in response.
Fear can make us believe that avoiding it is the most crucial thing and really the only thing to do.
That is how fear deceives us. It is how fear controls us.
It’s time for me to turn the tables on fear and to call its bluff.
There’s a rabble-rouser roaming in my heart telling me its time.