We are planting trees.
Some have sat in the nursery a long time, waiting for us to prepare good earth.
My breath catches as I ease this one out of its pot. Its roots are bound.
I have to break up them up otherwise they’ll stay growing in circles and the tree never grow tall.
It will live like it’s still got the limits of a 4×6 pot – when in fact all around is fertile soil.
My hand is tentative as I work the roots. You see, I know what it’s like – this sudden shock. To have every part of where you thought you were going and growing to, suddenly exposed to naked air. Everything you thought to be truth abruptly in question. Sudden blank space where you thought there would be solid ground.
It stuns you. It winds you. It’s scary and hurts more than a little.
It can feel lonely and lost.
It causes you to question: ‘What is right?’ ‘What is good?’ “What do I really want anyway?’
Nothing feels certain for a while.
But in the end, I’ve come to give thanks for this process. In fact, I know that to grow I’m sure to repeat it.
Just like this tree, we each of us have things in our roots that would keep us bound and small. We don’t always see them, these patterns of growth that keep leading us toward pain and restriction.
Life has led us to view some errors as truth, some truth as error. There is a great challenge in coming to understand that in at times what seems like comfort and goodness, is actually a limit and drain. There are threads of truth amongst the weave of error and humility is the only way I know to grow in discernment between the two, to grow this soul in love.
|photo source with thanks|
And this is it – I don’t know of a seamless, sedate and calm way to reassess who you are, and to truly make change.
It takes a shake up to break out of the mould.
Some roots are bound to error and breaking that away, breathing into new ways feels foreign and flawed sometimes. It takes faith in things higher to shift forward and expand.
At times, it takes bowing in deepest humility to discomfort and uncertainty, before the greatest truth can come.
So I steady my hands and make them firm as I pull away roots from their inward spiraling course.
I know the joy that comes out of this kind of struggle and shock.
I make a good bed for this tree to rest in.
Don’t worry little one, this shock and upheaval will pass. And you will find yourself in a place to be nurtured; a new world of possibilities surrounds you.
All this shaking loose is just you shaking free.
I smile and sigh.
Go well little plant, find new earth, become something you cannot even yet dream.
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. Albert Einstein